Six Pack and Senior

DISCLAIMER

Well let me first say that I want to talk about the concept of us “Designing Ourselves”.….My disclaimer is that this is not an advertisement but the picture communicates our topic.

THE WORLD OF VICTIMHOOD

Wow!  What a bold statement by Frank Zane in the picture above.  In a world where victimhood seems to be the order of the day, it is refreshing to focus on the thing(s) that we control and what it means to us individually.  In the world of victimhood there are only excuses for not being what we want or for not looking our best.  The Victim Mindset says, “It’s somebody else’s fault and therefore I am incapable of changing myself unless those responsible for my imperfection fix it.”

SELF DESIGN IS TOTALLY OUR RESPONSIBILITY

In the world of “Self Design” the entirety of the burden rests on our shoulders.  We first must decide what we want.  Then we have to make a plan to get what we want.  Then, we have to begin taking the necessary actions to possess that which we seek.  In the world of bodybuilding I have had to visualize the body I want.  I have to keep that image in front of my mind always.  I can never forget what I want in the end.

MY COACH JUSTIN DEES GUIDES, DIRECTS, AND DEMANDS MY BEST

My Coach, Justin Dees is forever feeding me information on what I am doing and why I am doing it.  For instance once he said, “How are you going to get better if you train the same way every time?”  So, I’ve taken his training regimen and I’ve increased reps or weight here and there for certain body parts to attain a particular look.  I’ve changed my sequence sometimes just to get out of the rut.  Anything to keep the excitement with experimentation going.

BE ALWAYS ON THE MOVE FORWARD BY BEING CONSISTENT

In this whole effort I and you have to keep an eye on our bodies so we can know what we are doing.  I personally, like to take tons of pictures of myself training and posing.  My wife handles this task.  I also like to forward my pictures to my Coach for his perusal.  Finally, Justin weighs me, measures my body fat, and looks me over at least every week or two.  No matter what I think, his opinion is sacred and welcome.  Each time I think I am really doing well, Justin delivers suggestions (and sometimes he orders me to change) on my physique, nutrition, and training.  For this I am eternally grateful.  I’m older and my time to compete and win is very limited.  Because of Justin I will press forward to attain my best body to be competitive at any level.

START WHERE YOU ARE AND BEGIN THE “DESIGN OF YOURSELF”

In closing we have to ascertain where we are.  Then we have to develop a plan.  Lastly,  we execute our plan.  Along the way we need the input of a trainer who has your best interests at heart.  This is where we are truly sitting at our master’s feet to learn.  Always remember that we are responsible for establishing the design for our own bodies.  This will determine what we look like, our respect, and ultimately it will define us because we designed ourselves.

Until next time I remain, Douglas E. Graham, Lt Col, USAF, (ret), MHSM

This is a tough sell to most of us because we have been raised to never draw attention to ourselves.  We must be humble and never boastful of the skills and gifts we possess.  So, we “hide our light under a bushel basket” rather than “letting our light so shine before men.”  However, we have to balance this idea of humility against knowing that we are up to the task at hand.  We have to have a significant degree of self-confidence in order to even step onto the field of contest.  The decision we face is whether we will see ourselves as winners or just passive observers.  It is essential for us to believe that we are significant and able to compete in this thing called life.

MY BEGINNINGS

I grew up in a very large family of 10 kids in Iowa.  We were very poor and everybody in our small town new we were poor and not very good.  They said things like, “They are Grahams.  We know your family and we think you are low lifes and dirty.  Get lost.”  We were the butts of many jokes about our clothes or our station is life.  I hated that existence and I was constantly in fights and competing like a demon on the sports fields.

Doug Posing at Vasa

When I was a boy around 10 years old I learned some very hard lessons about what its going to take to be respected.  The first maxim is that nobody is going to change my circumstances in life except me.  If I want anything I am going to have to work very hard to get it.  The second maxim is that you cannot trust anyone to be your friend all the time, especially when you needed a friend.  Thirdly, it does not matter what the currency is that I competed for that brought me respect.  I only knew that I wanted my share.

ACCOMPLISHMENT LEADS TO RESPECT

From this point on I played every sport available to me.  Baseball, Football, Wrestling, Track and I lifted some weights to get stronger. I would work hard in the alley out back of my house doing 50 yard sprints over and over again to get faster and to win at track. I would take extra batting practice. I would practice kicking off and kicking extra points in the hot summer sun at our local football field.  Anything I did I did it 100% with the belief that I could do it and win.  Needless to say I excelled at almost anything I put my mind to.  This time in my life became the template, the confidence crucible that I needed to develop for the rest of my life.  My life has been full and there are rare exceptions/failures to my experience.

So what’s next?  As I continue my journey as a bodybuilder this late in life I am forever astonished at the number of other men (young and old) who seek my advice on how to get better.  This happens no less than 5 times each day in the gym.  Guys and sometimes girls will come over to me and ask me a question about diet, weight lifting techniques, and sometimes just to talk.  These conversations and the dispensing of tips and advice has led me to know that I have been prepared for a much higher calling than just self respect and accomplishment.  Others need my (our) help to be able to see their goals through, or to get back on track in some area of their lives.

ULTIMATELY WE ARE SERVANTS

When I focus on others while I tread this training path I find that many in our circle are going through things that are dreadful, dangerous, and daunting.  A simple, “How’s it going?” can sometimes lead to a much needed exchange that allows me to help them.  This too has happened multiple times.  In short, serving others is the ultimate pinnacle of our life’s trek.  There is always somebody else who is struggling with things far beyond bodybuilding.  Some problems are life defining and I’ve had the privilege of being there to help.  Service above self is the best measure of a self-confident life.

In closing, please know that each of us has a personal responsibility to learn belief in ourselves so that we can teach others also, that they too can have a life worth living.  Progress is not an option.  It is a requirement.  So believe in yourself so that we will be prepared to help others believe in themselves.  Thus, we have life.

MOVEMENT OF THE SPIRIT IS NOT MOTIVATION

There are days when we are so tired that getting the internal push to workout is way beyond our reach.  There are days when we are so distracted by the things of life that we cannot focus.  There are problems that arise that demand our immediate attention.  In all these circumstances our MOTIVATION is not there.  We often try to convince ourselves that our MOTIVATION will return when the spirit moves us to get started. So, we set no particular goals and we wait for that golden moment of inspiration to hit us like a lightning bolt.  In the meantime we occupy ourselves with things unrelated to training and we waste our own time.

OUR MORNING LACKED MOTIVATION

This morning was a classic case of being under slept with the resultant sensation of core fatigue.  The tank was empty. MOTIVATION had left the station. If anything, I wanted to crawl back into bed and pull the covers up over my head and return to the “LAND OF REM.” I tried to get my eyes open and with them still shut I put my feet onto the floor and made my way to my bathroom scales.  I came back into bedroom and awakened my wife so she could go to the gym with me.  Since she is my best and only training partner we left the house under slept and totally UNMOTIVATED. 

We started our training and we quickly fell into the routine we have established for the “BACK.”  It wasn’t long before we were exchanging words of encouragement to keep going.  In short our “DISCIPLINE” gave way to the MOTIVATION we originally lacked.  In essence, by staying the course we found our MOTIVATION again.

SOMETIMES DISCIPLINE MUST TAKE OVER

I don’t have to talk myself into being MOTIVATED.  I am on a quest to do well in this world of bodybuilding.  I’m older than most bodybuilders so my hour glass has turned and time is running out for me and I have an acute sense of urgency to perform and get better.

I love this quote that I have written about, “WHEN MOTIVATION IS GONE IS THE TIME WE EXERCISE DISCIPLINE.”  Often discipline to stay on track leads us back to the MOTIVATION we lost.  Sometimes it leads us to a brand new reason to be MOTIVATED.  Either way, we have to overcome the temptation to abandon our journey to the top.

BE WILLING ALWAYS TO SEEK YOUR OWN MOTIVATION

Let me close this conversation with this thought from Flex Lewis one of the greatest Olympians ever, “The Trophy is won in the hours when nobody is watching.”  My Coach, Justin Dees emphasizes always that MOTIVATION is not a requirement if you know where you are going and what you want so long as you are willing to plug in discipline when MOTIVATION is absent.  Justin has said, “Don’t talk about it. Do it!” In my case, My Coach has to cause me to do less and be more strategic.

I admonish you to labor alone and get used to it. Find that “THING” that pushes you forward.  If you are UNMOTIVATED-—go find it.  All of us have to travel this same bumpy road.  See you on the trail to the next level.

Until next time I remain, Douglas E. Graham, Lt Col, USAF, (ret), MHSM

DESCRIPTION OF THE ASSAULT ON OUR DREAMS

All of us, at one time or another, had friends or associates that openly “counseled” us to stop wasting our time doing what we have been doing.  They like to say things like,”you don’t have to do this prove you are a man or that you are good.”  Another Biggey is to impugn your sense of “priority” in that “we just don’t have our priorities right and something else is being neglected because of our quest.”  Sanctimoniously, they try to leverage or extort guilt, and shame, and regret so that we stop what we are doing based on their logic and perceptions.  The whole goal is to discourage us and get us to quit. How sad that another person can even CONSIDER stealing another person’s dreams and then cloak themselves in righteousness and self vaunted wisdom.  Beware the relative or friend “who is so heavenly that they are of no earthly good.”

Vein running through bicep

“Most Muscular” on Stage 21 June 2014, Utah Valley University, Provo, Utah

OUR RESPONSIBILITY — CONTINUE TO PURSUE THE DREAM

When we face a person who is willing to denigrate us and our dreams (and all of us have at sometime during our lives), we have got to listen carefully and try to understand that their lack of confidence in us is driven more by their insecurities and regrets.  Many, if not all of the naysayers have succumbed to the pressure from others to abandon their calling in life.  They now are living lives of “quiet desperation” existing from day-to-day without a fire to drive them forward.  Another category of discouragers are those that have had tremendous success in their lives and they see their advice and opinions as superior to our own judgement.  It is “de facto” that our dreams are subservient to theirs.  This is where we have to decide to continue the pursuit of our dreams in the face of great opposition.

ANECDOTE

When I was getting out of the Navy I had decided to go to the University of Maryland.  When I presented and discussed my plans with a relative they said to me, “Now you are sure you want to do this?”  It was like a knife to my chest.  The tone of doubt and discouragement penetrated my heart.  I felt so low that I thought I ought to just give up, go home and get a regular blue collar job in my hometown.  This was the very thing I did not want,—but here it is!  I had to decide what I was going to do.  I returned to Maryland (we were vacationing in Iowa) and enrolled at the University of Maryland and jumped into my dream.  I have been uniquely successful academically in my family.  I am a clinician as a PA with residency in Emergency Medicine, and a Masters in Health Services Management, and I’ve done significant doctoral work in Health Policy.  Note that I did not buy into the destruction of my dream because somebody thought their opinion was better.  I did this right!

ACTION REQUIRED

We have to return to our workshops and press on.  In bodybuilding I would say that we will go back into the gym and train like there’s no tomorrow.  The people who don’t believe in us must be proven wrong.  Otherwise we will be dragged down to their level.  We have to double our efforts to be better and closer to our dreams.  In doing so, we do not give power those who have given up on their dreams from destroying our aspirations.  Hard work aimed at the attainment of our dreams or goals is the best response.  At the same time we have to control our emotions.  Think only of climbing our mountain and planting our flag at the summit.  Nothing can stop us.

In closing, we who do bodybuilding (especially this late in life for me) have to have pretty thick skin to continue. Many will seek to derail us.  I would encourage all of us who are on a quest, to dig in and do not let others steal the dream you have bubbling inside you.

Until Next time I remain, Douglas E. Graham, Lt Col, USAF, (ret), MHSM

I’ve been so focused on the trophy and all that it means that I forgot about all those of you who have been watching me.  I didn’t mean to but I did.  In my quest to be the best me possible, even at this late stage of my life, I didn’t think anybody else cared about what I did or what I accomplished.  I have dug in and kept my nose to the grindstone with a singular focus and purpose.  I’ve done well for an old fart with big ideas but I absolutely have to do more if I am to retire one day a champion on my terms.  To all of you who have taken a moment or two to look in on me, my progress, photos etc. I thank you from the depths of my heart.

MORAL VICTORY

As I have pushed to be better I have written extensively about the things that are required to start and continue toward our stated goals.  During this journey I started to received messages, texts, emails, and face-to-face meetings from various people from many different walks of life congratulating me on my success, effort, and appearance.  In so many ways they told me that I was an inspiration to them.  Often they would say, “I hope that when I am your age I look as good as you.” Others would not include age in the compliment as they would say, “You look fantastic!”  I routinely get these sorts of messages daily from numerous people who read my articles or see my pictures.  Needless to say, I am humbled.

COLLEAGUE ENCOURAGEMENT

I get scores of these comments, again on a daily basis, from guys and girls who train at my gym (University Vasa, Orem, Utah).  An example is a girl who saw me putting in the time posing (that Justine Dees asked me to do) in the gym.  She headed me off at the door to the posing area and said, “You are great.  You make all of us want to better.”  I was flabbergasted. It seemed to come out the blue.  One of my favorite compliments came from the “GREAT” Heather Dees when she caught me at Iron Ground Gym a month ago and said, “You are such an inspiration for so many people.”  When Heather said this I did not have a ready comeback so I mumbled something that was totally unintelligible.  But her encouragement caused me to ruminate on being an inspiration all the way back to Provo from Murray, Utah.  It turned into a trip that I cannot remember making — I was so deep in thought.  I just didn’t know what being an inspiration meant.

MY THOUGHTS

I never set out to be an inspiration but since this is hitting me in the face daily I cannot ignore it.  In fact, the chase for the trophy is a little less important.  Of higher priority is to keep going to be the best I can be so that others will want to follow.  I told my wife recently that, “since I’ve started this bodybuilding quest I have been given hundreds of opportunities to touch the lives of people struggling with their own aspirations and demons.” This topic seems to be a central theme of my bodybuilding conversations with Christine. Frankly, I am grateful to be directed into tough situations paved by my efforts in bodybuilding.

DIFFICULT TASKS AWAIT

It is sometimes daunting.  One time a fellow competitive bodybuilder told me, “I’m so glad to see you.  While I was gone I got so depressed that I went to a solitary location where I almost shot myself.”  Whoa!  I had no response except to say, “I’m glad you didn’t kill yourself.  Heck, I would miss you here in the gym and backstage at contests.”  He was in a better frame of mind and was off and running again.  I was glad he thought well enough of me to tell me his deepest and most dangerous urges that nearly took his life.  We talked for a little while and he left.  I saw him months later and he looked great.  These are the things that my quest to be my best has brought me.  In my estimation God could not have given me a bigger responsibility than that of others who want to be better and for those who are thinking of giving up on themselves, their marriages, friends, and personal goals.

WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

In closing, there is not anything that I want more than to cause many to keep going when it seems much easier to just quit.  Heck, I am an inspiration for a lot of people though I never sought to be anything more than me.  Each of us has to realize that there are thousands of eyes on us whether you know it or not.  We have the capacity and opportunity to teach others to drive on through their darkness by our examples.  I have hundreds of other stories but you get the gist.  Keep on upward and onward because they are depending on us to lead and succeed.

Until next time I remain, Douglas E. Graham, Lt Col, USAF, (ret), MHSM

Boy!  This is a maxim that we cannot step around.  Try to recall the last time you had to step out in faith with only a vision or a personal intuition to take the next step forward.  I’m betting none of us wants to repeat this situation but, none of us would trade anything for the wisdom that we gained in the effort.  In fact, the life we lead today is a direct reflection of confidence we garnered as we passed through these moments of continuing toward our stated goals despite not having all the pieces of the puzzle in place. Today we have personal self-assurance that we can make hard decisions and be successful.

My coach, Justin Dees exasperatingly  admonished me to: “not just talk about what I need to do but to do it.”  Believe me, he was pushing me to do better and to stick to the program he outlined for me. He was really saying that there isn’t always a clear path forward but you have to use what you know (that which Justin has taught me) and move out.  Take that step of courage and determination to push through my stagnant state and be the person he knows I can be.  I made a verbal commitment to up my game and prove I can do what I have been taught rather than just talk.  I needed to instantly develop a self-confidence to push on and to win.

MY NEW LIFE

My “NEW LIFE” in bodybuilding was born.  I was pushed beyond my mediocre effort to a new level of concentration.  This  “NEW LIFE” and its new trajectory has made getting up everyday worth it.  I have an old saying, “I can’t wait for dawn, my training clothes are waiting.”  I awaken each morning looking forward to the grind in the gym and the requisite time on the elliptical machine with super human anticipation.  Justin’s admonition is still bearing fruit. My body is responding in ways I could not have ever imagined by responding to “LIFE” elevated and the encouragement from my great coach.

LESSONS AND RESULTS

Confidence, self esteem, courage, and power to master our lives beyond that which is familiar and comfortable.  I think the key to all these great and wonderful attributes of a life lived on the edge requires that all of us are willing to walk up to the decision point that requires us to step out in faith even when all is not perfect.  If we remain in our “COMFORT ZONE” we cheat ourselves out of victory that propels us to greater things.  If we go beyond the “COMFORT ZONE” we will learn and we will have the greatest opportunity for success.

In closing, all of us need to be aware of our own risk aversion.  We have to spend some time understanding the things that hold us back from being better and that stall us out in our progress.  We have to learn to identify that point in our progress that will require something beyond that which we posses or holds us back.  When we reach this point we have to be thoughtful and courageous to reach out grab the “BEGINNING OF OUR NEW LIVES” because we dared to move out and “LIVE.”

Until next time I remain, Douglas E. Graham, Lt Col, USAF, (ret), MHSM

Let’s face it!  We are tempted all the time to blame others for our failures or not living up to the person we thought we could become.  We create in ourselves a victim mentality that allows us cover to claim that our falling short is because of somebody or some system or some organization, or it’s because of society.  None of these things can add to or takeaway from your worth as a person.  If this is true then nothing can keep us from becoming the wonderful person we want to be.  In Short, “You Are Responsible for Becoming the Person You Want To Be”—no one can do it for you it’s totally up to you/me to be better.  Let me also say that it’s never easy to change for the better.  It’s not easy to carve out a body or personality or a soul from the one we currently possess.  It takes concentration, attention to details, and tons of hard work.

FLEX LEWIS

FLEX LEWIS ONE OF MY HEROES IN THIS SPORT OF BODYBUILDING

“THE TROPHY IS WON THE HOURS WHEN NOBODY IS WATCHING”—FLEX LEWIS

The first thing we have to grasp in our growth is that WE ARE RESPONSIBLE AND US ALONE to make the adjustments that will take us to the next level.  We are responsible for setting our own rudder toward the goal of becoming what we want.   There just isn’t another way to create inside us the image that we see for ourselves.  Seeing this vision of what we want is very personal and cam only be viewed by us.

Secondly, the next step in becoming the person we want to become is to take action.  In bodybuilding we have to understand that in order to put down muscle it will require tons of consistency in planning, organizing, effort, diet maintenance, supplements, and cardio.  It is best at the early stages to get a coach to help you/me to get on track and stay on track.  Allow the coach to set the objectives to ensure a proper direction toward our stated goals.  This is the part where all that we think about and dream about touches the ground.  It is hard and it is also super rewarding.  Action puts legs on our dreams.

Doug Posing at Vasa

Thirdly, we have to be willing to constantly monitor our progress and make any adjustments.  When I meet with my coach Justin Dees I feel like it is exam time.  How did I do?  How am I looking?  Where do I go from here?  Take tons of notes as you listen to your coach and turn his wisdom into action.  Fear the day of exam.  Be ready just like you/I do when we face a test in college.  There’s no way we would show up without studying or preparing for the college test.  The same is true about your appointment with your coach.  Work and be ready!

In closing let me admonish all us who seek to be better to take personal responsibility for ourselves and the journey in front of us.  Nobody else can do it for you.  This trek is where Champions are made and often it’s alone. “JUST DO IT!”—NIKE.

Until next time, I remain Douglas E. Graham, Lt Col, USAF. (ret), MHSM

I remember when my oldest son Nathan who was 11 years old at the time, was diagnosed with Acute T-Cell Leukemia.  My wife and I were stunned to get the news from the Oncologist at Arkansas Children’s Hospital.  It was so devastating that we could barely take in the terrible information laid before us.  We cried quietly as Nate’s Physician outlined our way forward and I can recall his word picture that he related to us describing the road ahead. “Nate is really sick.  If we do nothing he will die soon.  In 1968 there were no survivors of this type of Leukemia.  Today (1991) there is a 60% chance of survival if we give him the correct treatment.  In order to get to the other side of this obstacle we have to go deep into the valley where it’s very dangerous.  We then have to climb out onto the safe ground on the other side.”  In other words, the worst nightmare of our entire lives was about to start.  We had to fight for my son to make it.  We “had to go through the Worst, to get to the Best.”  There was no other way.  There has never been a short cut to the Best.  It has to be earned and we have to rise to the challenge in order to possess the Best.

Doug at Vasa

In bodybuilding we often wish there was a shortcut to get big muscles or to get shredded.  But, we quickly learn that there is no such thing as a short cut.  The work required to be great is in front of us and we have to surrender to the reality that this hard work is what’s going to bring us/me the Best.  I recall the lonely times in the gym when there were no friends to pound me on the shoulder to keep me going or to reach higher, go longer, push harder.  There was only me with my dream and a pile of iron to keep me company.  These workouts when I didn’t feel worthy or self-motivated to give it all I had were the very things I needed to keep making progress.  Other times I would push so hard that I would injure myself such that I could not train hard.  I had to work around the injury in my shoulders.  I had to not communicate with anybody how I felt.

In closing, all of us must realize that going through the worst to get to the best is a maxim.  It is a covenant with God which he uses to try us and refine us so we can be presented in the end to God himself.  It is written in the universe that resistance will cause growth.  Thus, we need to embrace this truism and make plans to conquer the difficulties that will surely end in our own ruin.  The worst is not the worst. It is the beginning of something great and marvelous if we will stick to the plan.  Do the hard work gang!  Be that person that welcomes the life of toil aimed at being better.  You will win because you know the goodness that awaits you. Remember: “You have to go through the worst, to get to the BEST.”

Until next time I remain, Douglas E. Graham, Lt Col, USAF, (ret), MHSM

Face it! Nobody likes to fail.  All of us want to be successful. However, when you start down a path that you know eventually leads you to victory, you have to be willing to blaze new trails.  With each new trail you blaze there will be things that you have never seen before or handled before.  It’s all a magical mystery tour.  Also, when we depart on our journey it won’t be long before we will run into a skill or task that stymies us.  Yet, we know that this task must be mastered and completed in order to go forward.  It is at this juncture that we have to decide to conquer this task or we are totally derailed.  So, we go about the task of learning how this item or obstacle works.  We turn it upside down, shake it, poke it, study it, and eventually we arrive a solution or it will destroy our effort—–if we let it.

Flex Lewis one of my personal heroes and examples.

Justin Dees gave me a very solidifying quote, “Don’t practice a task until you get it right.  Practice it until you cannot get it wrong.”  A little story behind this quote.  I have a heck of a time getting my posing right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m much better but there were/are times when Justin is ready to pull “MY” hair out because I keep making the same mistakes.  It’s nothing but me practicing my posing “WRONG” which indelibly imprints old mistakes.  These cannot be corrected by getting my butt kicked by Justin.  I had to go home and spend enormous amounts of time in front of a mirror with my wife watching me to get it right.  Each time I go back for posing sessions with Justin it’s been a little better.  But, as Justin said, “I have to practice until I cannot get it wrong.”  It’s a small item but this little quip has put me in the right frame of mind while posing.  I can honestly say that my last contest at the Nationals in Pittsburgh was my best contest ever and I still could not crack the top five….Despite the 6th place finish I am very happy with my performance and the shape Justin brought me in at.  The victory here is that I did something well that I normally do not do so well.

Doug at Vasa

Do8g at Vasa Posing

Doug Posing at Vasa

Posing at Vasa

In closing, let me say that the only way to get good at something is by frequent repetitions of that skill.  There is no substitute.  In fact nothing in life can be accomplished until each of us submits ourselves to the demands for perfection.  We have to be about the business of being better always.  There is nothing new under the sun.  Personal self-mastery, communication, and love of your wife and family are the backbone of our existence in this world.  Do the task until it cannot be done wrong.  Be willing to fail so you will be that much closer to success.

Until next time I remain, Douglas E. Graham, Lt Col, USAF, (ret), MHSM

When the world has turned its back on us and those whom we regarded as close and supportive friends abandon us, we always have ourselves to turn to and to believe in.  At very specific junctures in our lives we all will bring back to remembrance the horrifying event or events that left us totally alone with no direction.  Usually that seeming crisis is related to a very close and intimate friend that decided that they would no longer support our direction or goals and they said so.  Ouch!  We led ourselves to invest too much of ourselves in what this close friend thought about us and our goals.  We gave them way too much power to criticize us and to eventually hurt us just when we needed them most.

Doug at Vasa

Doug Posing at Vasa

The point of this article is to get us to believe in the things we believe in and want most for ourselves.  We are the source of the idea to seek success.  Not others who have no investment in our lives.  We have to understand that our minds, spirit, hearts, and souls generate the reason for our progress toward something of real value to us.  Believing in ourselves to be able to follow through with our goals in the face of tremendous opposition and abandonment by those we love and respect.  The only person that matters in these cases is “US” and we have to follow our hearts even when others have decided that we are delusional, are dreamers, and irresponsible.  Our goals have to be accomplished by us.  Those who do not believe in us are probably not worth the effort to keep around.  They have shown their true colors.

I have a very supportive wife and she believes in me.  But, before she could believe in me she had to know that I believed in myself.  If I failed at this point then I do not deserve her support.  No matter what, it comes down to what we believe about ourselves and our ability to advance and win.  There is no other way to approach the objectives that we seek than to retreat, think, and pray until we are absolutely sold out on the goals we have decided to go get.

In closing, let me admonish all of us to decide that we are the originators of our own destiny.  It’s good to have some support but it’s not required if our goal is worth it to us.  Look in the mirror and know that you are looking at the chief decision maker and your biggest fan.  Now go get it!  Listen to your heart and not others who have no stake in your life or the attainment of your goals.

Until next time, I remain, Douglas E. Graham, Lt Col, USAF, (ret), MHSM