Author: Doug Graham

There are times when we feel like tomorrow will never come. I/we feel stuck in the moment and there just is not a clear path forward. Regretfully, all of us tend to live down to this mindset rather than rise above it. The response for most of us is short lived but it still happens. We mope around, mad at the world, believing we are defeated etc. What a sucky place to be. But, there is another way to see ourselves and it takes a little effort to get beyond the current self-annihilation perspective. Let me explain the obvious.

First, especially if you are a bodybuilder, we understand intuitively and experientially, that there are days and sometimes (rarely) weeks where nothing goes right. An injury, a relationship that goes out the window, people who say that they are our friends begin to say bad things about us. A death in the family, a sick child, a personal spiritual crisis. All of these things take their toll on our self-confidence and they tend to derail us, our direction, and our forward movement. Again, these things suck big time. I don’t have a “quick fix” for any of this stuff, but in order to get to our “FINAL DESTINATION” which we alone define, we have to get over the hump.’

For me personally, I try not to define myself by today’s standards or problems. I try to lift up my mind high enough to remember who I am and where I’m going. This effort is Herculean but it is the only remedy for self doubt and a resulting poor self image. Sadly, as we go through these times of darkness others begin to see the downward spiral. Ouch! Let’s not belabor all this.

It is here that we have to remember a few things: 1.). Why you started 2.) What it’s taken to get to where you are 3.) What the plan has been to get to our “FINAL DESTINATION” 4.) Remember where you want to go. Starkly, in writing if necessary, state our own definition of our “FINAL DESTINATION.”

Lastly, never let anybody else define our “FINAL DESTINATION” by where we are at the moment. This is OUR BUSINESS and it is sacred work. Guard your heart with all diligence and let nobody define you by where you are this moment. Bodybuilders are special because we express the journey in ways nobody else will ever understand. Keep at it! I’ll see your at “YOUR FINAL DESTINATION!”-–Call me when you arrive…..LOL

Everybody I’ve ever known has been put onto our backs violently. The mechanism of injury can be verbal, emotional, psychological, or physical. It hurts, it’s shocking, and sometimes surprising and humiliating. it just doesn’t matter how we got there. What matters is what we do from that point forward. Simply put, we can lay there and let the bad stuff pour over us or we can roll over, get first to our knees, then to one leg and then push ourselves to a standing position. It’s a simple choice but it still has to be made. What we choose to do will determine the next immediate events and it will also define us for a long time to come. Choose wisely!

I can recall getting into a fight when I was really young. I have a big ego and big mouth and a small body. Bad combination for me. I lipped off and this guy who was 2 years older than me proceeded to pound me. The one thing he didn’t count on was my courage/stupidity. Each time he had me beaten and stood up after pummeling me I would stand up and scream at him and call him a dirty name. He would repeat the process of nearly killing me. One time he stopped hitting me and said out loud, “I’m going to kill him!” As soon as he walked away I stood up and again insulted him. This happened repeatedly until he was worn out from kicking my ass. Lesson for me! 1.) I can take it. 2.) #1 is irrelevant if you’re being killed by your own idiocy. 3.) I proved to myself I could hobble 6 blocks home and collapse on my living room floor in front of my poor mother. Thus, proving she truly had raised a masochistic idiot for a son.

Each of us has to decide what to do when your are beaten or whether there is a chance to recover and get back into the fight. I would like to think that staying on the mat is my last choice. If I stay on the mat it’s because I am destroyed and there is no comeback. BUT! if there is any fight left in me this enemy is going to pay big time because he neglected to kill me.

In bodybuilding, there are times when we approach the stage and we get a chance to take stock of our competition and it’s a bit daunting. Great athletes and then there’s me. We can play “not to lose’ ore we can dig deep and make the “beautiful people” uncomfortable……This game is not over just because we are intimidated. We have to turn the corner and make this night memorable because you’re ready and because it belongs to you.

Bottom Line: Either get used to being kicked around or expectantly deliver the knock out blow to any who would hurt you or defeat you. GET UP! FOCUS! FIND THE TARGET! ATTACK!

THE END IS OFTEN A CHOICE NOT A CONSEQUENCE!

A great friend and colleague of mine told me his story about coming from a communist country, going to a surgery residency and succeeding. He said that in 1952 he was a North Korean citizen and medical student. When the Korean War broke out he was working in a hospital and out of nowhere soldiers appeared on the floor where he and many of his colleagues were taking care of patients. They were all rounded up by the North Korean soldiers. For the next several months the medical staff including physicians and nurses were forced to care for sick and wounded North Korean Communist soldiers. They worked in the open with very few instruments, medicines, sterile supplies or even blankets for the themselves or the wounded. Sometimes they worked in tents and this was considered a luxury.

After many months they plotted an escape and during one of the nights several physicians and nurses escaped and made their way south. They traveled by night and slept by day wherever they found cover. Three times they were caught and lined up by the communists to be shot. Each time the physicians and nurses were pulled out of line and were spared because of their talent. The others were machine gunned to death. Soon after each capture they would escape and keep making their way to the south. No shoes, no coats, very little to no food. Eventually, they were picked up by the U.S. Army. During this time he met up with the Chief of Surgery from the University of Minnesota. He asked him to look him up if he got out of Korea. Long story short—He did, and he became a thoracic vascular surgeon. His wife became a Pharmacist and they started a family. They worked so hard that they rarely had any time for family. But, he told he one day, “The only way to succeed in anything is to work when others, play, sleep, or party.” I’ve taken that to heart and it has worked. I have never, since I heard the story and what it takes to be great, have I looked at party time as an entitlement.

Bottom Line: In bodybuilding we don’t go to the gym to socialize, or to admire others. We are there to prepare to win. We dare not allow others to steal our workout time with idle chatter. Be about your business. Others will not be working and this difference is what sets us apart from the normal people of mediocrity. Work when they don’t and succeeding will belong to us.

What are you/I willing to sacrifice to win? Be careful of the answer….It might be too big but you must decide our willingness to pay the price.

As it says in Proverbs 24: 33-34:

33 A little sleep, a little slumber,
    a little folding of the hands to rest—
³⁴ and poverty will come on you like a thief
    and scarcity like an armed man.

Keep you sword near you always

Growing up in a moderately sized city in Iowa I had tons of adversaries because I was small. I was constantly fighting from the time I was nine years old until I left high school. I played all the sports I backed down from nobody and sometimes I was just dumb enough to walk right into the line of fire and get myself hurt. The big lesson is this! When you begin to fear other people is when you become a coward. You can’t bring your best game if all you’re thinking about is losing.

As we grow up we have heroes. We program ourselves to think that our heroes are gods. Then one day you’re playing alongside them. You’re carrying your own workload. They respect and admire your efforts. But it took an awful lot of ourselves to get into that position. Earning this position on the football team, on the baseball team, on the track team, is only the beginning for all of us to realize that being equal does not mean that you’ve arrived at the mountaintop.

A good illustration of this from my life was when I got to college and several of the players on the football team were my rivals in high school. They were all great athletes. I had a particular position as a placekicker. I had work overtime to get that job as a placekicker. I was instantly on the same plain as my old rivals.

In bodybuilding I saw guys in divisions above me that looked great. I wanted so much to look like them. Several years later after a lot of training I was on the same stage as some of these guys that I saw earlier. They no longer were just heroes or idols. I now have a unique privilege of competing against them as a rival. In fact it happened over again as I competed. The big payday for me was the respect I gained from people I admire.

The biggest take away from all this is that we have to never see ourselves as “wanna be’s”—The reality is that we just haven’t arrived yet and those ahead of us can be overtaken and this, in and of itself, is the trophy. The new reality for us is that we have become that which we seek….There is no place else to go and there is nothing else to win. You or I have nothing more to prove to anyone.

Bottom Line: Never look back. If you do you will be overtaken. If you look only ahead you will see what you are going to overtake. The vision is to be the same as our heroes!

Somebody once said that when you set out to accomplish something you should front load and over load the process with “PREPARATION.” In short, over “prepare” for everything and then performance is easy and predictable. All of us can attest to this fact—ALL THINGS ARE BETTER WHEN WE TAKE THE TIME TO PREPARE.

Another way to look at this paradigm is found in final part of the quote, “…“BUT ONLY CHAMPIONS HAVE THE DESIRE TO PREPARE.” Think about it…..Just because I say I want to win means that I instantly am a winner. Nor does it mean that if I just show up at the arena good things will happen. We understand that PREPARATION is essential. I used to say that I practiced posing until I got it right. My coach, Justin Dees used to say, “No! You practice until you cannot get it wrong.” This perspective is the APEX of practice. Each and every detail before the show or the game or whatever the challenge has to be as perfect as we can get it. Mistakes cannot be allowed and we leave nothing in our PREP to chance.

We have got to see PREPARATION as not just a necessity, but also something we look forward to because the PREP defines us even before we present ourselves to the stage. It’s here that we “JUST DO OUR JOBS, and because we have labored and loved the PREP we can fully enjoy the challenge and, God willing, we can win.

Bottom Line: Preparation is KING. Execution is the place we can do some sky writing. So! PREPARATION is the foreplay to the main event. Desire it and win.

Sometimes we need a safe place to make our vows. All of us has a “secret place” where all of life’s challenges are hashed out with no audience. When we were kids it could be as simple as going to our rooms to mull over a decision. To be sad, to be in the argument alone until we decide. As we have gotten older that quiet place has shifted out of necessity for greater privacy our of sight and insulated from any self talk and groaning that will accompany our personal wrestling match.

Probably, the most sacred place to be alone is when we are introduced to our other self . That person that refuses to be placed on the sidelines when times get tough. This place could be a country road, a grove of trees, the shore of a nearby pond or lake, but it must be private. The ultimate decision all of us must face is to ‘NEVER GIVE UP!” There are hundreds of moments when things don’t go very well and we hurt more than we thought we could ever endure. We have to stop, get alone and decide to ‘NEVER ALLOW OURSELVES TO GIVE UP AND TO BE FORGOTTEN.”

I know that in bodybuilding we are constantly comparing our bodies with others in the gym and in public but mostly on stage. I have personally experienced being crushed by the competition. I go home and I wrestle with whether I want to go back for a second helping of personal defeat and public humiliation. I take my own medicine and retreat to our balcony off our bedroom. I stay there until I get a clear path forward. The process is slow, painful, and ugly. But once I have decided to not give up– – –I don’t! I say, “This sh— is never going to happen again. “ From here I plan and I assess my damage and I set about the tasks to correct deficiencies and to build on my strengths. This time when I decide to not give up, I leave nothing to chance.

Each of us has the capacity to overcome defeat, self-doubt, and self inflicted annihilation. All we have to do is decide that we are not to going to give up. Giving up is tantamount to quitting. You can’t win if you stepped off the track because you gave up where you quit. This decision to not give up is one thing, failing is another thing—-but quitting is quite another.

Bottom Line: winning and failure are two sides of the same coin. But when you quit or give up you have surrendered yourself to a world that is laced with the regret.

My Final bit of advice is when you feel like quitting,—- get alone and be certain you come on that room determined tot NEVER EVER AGAIN!

Communication is the essence of life so talk to yourself like a winner and not a quitter!

I was told during one of my times of open introspection that I will learn “PATIENCE” alongside some other areas. Wow! The source of this advice and wisdom clearly were talking to the wrong guy. I have never been patient. Now, I have learned to endure frustration and unanticipated delays but patience as a virtue has never been part of my character make up.

No matter what our personality make up or anything else, we must stay dedicated to the proposition that we can and we will succeed. Time will move forward whether we are patient or impatient however there is no greater demonstration of who we are as people as “DEDICATION.” When we said “I DO” to our wives we remain dedicated to her well-being. When our children are born we are ‘DEDICATED” to their nurture and training and love. When we commit ourselves to hitting the stage in bodybuilding we essentially declare that we are “DEDICATED” to do our best. We turn on the gas and we don’t step off the track until it is done. Win lose or draw, this is what we set out to do and we do it because we are “DEDICATED.” It doesn’t mean we are going to win. We will be the same person inside and out either way. But, the act of ‘DEDICATION” and follow through changes us in ways that are immeasurable. We are the same people with a new grasp of what it takes to be great.

“DEDICATION” begins in our hearts and minds in silence and solitude. This is where it all begins. Once “DEDICATION” has taken hold the focus, the plan, and the effort begins no matter how long it takes.

My Parting Shot Is: ALWAYS FINISH WHAT YOU START. Do not listen to naysayers of any stripe. Stay the course and let the chips fall where they may. ‘DEDICATION” is required and ‘PATIENCE” is optional. Go on the attack from the beginning until the end. Win, lose, or draw.

go to http://www.sixpackandsenior.com to see all photos and articles

“It has to be hard to make you grow!”

All of us wants something that makes us stand out or above the rest. We fantasize about accomplishing something, or earning something, or being awarded something. Each of these day dreams has us front and center and very proud of ourselves. There is nothing morally wrong with wanting something bigger than us. But! Here is where the rubber meets the road…..Dreaming, and fantasizing yield nothing concrete or lasting. It’s not until we embrace the reality that the only way to have anything of real value is work very “HARD” for it…..Whatever it is…..In fact, the “HARDER” you have to work to get your desire the more valuable it is to you. Once obtained or accomplished the object we sought becomes priceless.

Sometimes I think that many people think that if they just say it, “I want to win my division in the next bodybuilding show” or “I would love to get a super promotion at my company or “I’m going to lose 50 lbs this year,” that it will happen. Well, I’m here to testify to you that saying is just the beginning. The rest is very “HARD” work and you cannot get around this eternal truth.

The MAXIM I labor before is that “NOTHING IS FREE” and NOTHING THAT IS WORTH HAVING MUST BE ATTAINED GAINST THE BACKDROP OF “HARD” WORK.

I remember Branch Warren saying once, “If you lift little weights you get little muscles but if you want big muscles you have to lift big weights.” This MAXIM comes from a true sage of bodybuilding.

No big lecture on this concept: In the end “IT HAS TO BE HARD TO MAKE YOU GROW.” Don’t fool yourself. Belly up to the bar, work your butt off, and the reward will appear. If it’s hard then you are probably doing something right.

Life is “SOOOO DAILY!” But, there are days that stand out above all others. In our muscle head world that day is ‘EVERYDAY.” Each day we get up and face the rigors of breakfast, training, supplements, cardio, ab work and a regular day’s work — we count this day as “WINNABLE.”

We have to look at our lives in bite sized pieces. I have great difficulty taking the long look because there is too much space between today and even to look a week ahead. Every battle to get to the finish line (our goal) has to be won moment-by-moment, hour-by-hour, and day-by-day….The grind is inevitably slow and methodical.

Today we set small accomplishable goals. We roll up our sleeves and we go about the business of getting them done. The “WIN” is getting the work done daily. We have to leave each day knowing that we have done well and completed the circuit of requisite tasks. We have to also know that eventually all of this work will lead to the bigger “WIN” that we have set up for ourselves. Like a thousand bricks properly assembled on the road that leads to the “WINNERS CIRCLE.”

There is no reason to regret the journey. There is no nostalgia or homesickness that will cause us to look back over our shoulders. The prize is today and the ultimate prize is ever before our eyes.

Next up for me this year is the Nationals in Pittsburgh in July. I’ve got tons of work to do and like I illustrated, the win in Pittsburgh is made possible and very probable by my winning the battle on a daily basis. No short cuts. Only focused effort and determination with an end of day assessment on my tasks to be sure I have won that day.

Bottom Line for all of us: Winning is daily. Nothing big has ever been won just because we wish it to be so. We must win the ultimate prize on a daily basis. We don’t control the judges but we do control ourselves—-This is our chance to develop “SELF-MASTERY.” This is our ultimate “WIN!”

go to http://www.sixpackandsenior.com for all photos, articles, and posts

All of us walks in “THE LAND OF THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE” and we feel we don’t have a place in the world because “THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE HAVE ALREADY BEEN ASSIGNED THEIR RIGHTFUL PLACE“and we were not included. Wow! This pretty much describes all of us. So, we have precisely two choices. We can retreat into the shadows of obscurity and insignificance or we can find our OWN place in the world. There are no middle ground positions. We are here to play and the “BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE” will just have to compete with me. The dye is cast!

There are hundreds of phrases that provide us “NON-BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE avenues of escape or excuses to quit and live below the level of mediocrity. Here are a couple; 1.) I’ll never be good enough 2.) They have it all 3.) I’m outnumbered 4.) I’m not that good 5.) I’m not tall enough 6.) I don’t want to be like them anyway 7.) I’m shy—-Each of these phrases of self talk steals a small part of our hearts and crushes our souls…..I don’t care who I am up against….they lose! Somebody told me once, “Dougie! You have to play big!” That was enough for me…..Suddenly, I went from being grateful to participate to wanting the WIN more than anything else.

For us bodybuilders, we have to fight the good fight with ourselves. The good fight begin with ignoring the competition and focusing only on our own weaknesses and bringing them up to the challenge. Like Branch Warren has said, “You have to look after your own shit!” Simply put, we have to do the work and not worry about the ,“BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO HAVE IT ALL”. In track, you run your own race. In wrestling you are always on the attack, per Olympic Gold Medalist Dan Gable. The idea is that we/I have to rise to the occasion and ignore any natural advantages others around me have been given. It’s time we take that advantage away by wanting the trophy more than the “BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE DO.”

My parting shot is this. Nobody takes anything from us. We either surrender before we get started or we dominate and subjugate our enemies in the end. What others bring to the fight is none of our business. It’s what we bring to the fight is what will give us the win…..

Bottom Line: Want it! Get it! Give nothing away!