Author: Doug Graham

As I’ve discussed before, When we decide to do something that is totally ours, we have to get alone and do some serious soul searching about “Why” we want to do it. All of us has to understand that when we launch ourselves in a direction that is not usual or normal or predictable to those around us they will notice. Some will be doubtful of your new found direction but they will be at least respectful. Others will see that you are trying to be better and they will do everything in their power to undermine you and discourage you. Both groups have to be ignored in order to get started. Eventually, you will need to tell them to stop being critical of your efforts. Doing bodybuilding, especially if you are older will attract a lot of judgmental attention laced with sarcasm, harshness, and discouragement.

When the rain comes from these personal friendlies we have two choices. 1.) Quit just so we don’t have to listen to their attacks, criticisms, and condescensions. or 2.) Push even harder past these losers. Don’t give up! Turn up the heat and the effort. In other words, don’t fall victim to the relentless series of attacks. Like one of my favorite female bodybuilders said recently, “There are those that do not agree with us. They need to be left alone. Then we surround ourselves with people of same mind and we go to work. Life is too short to argue with naysayers.” (paraphrase).

Naysayers will also start from the beginning and demand that we tell them “WHY” we are trying to do bodybuilding, especially at our age. It was very discouraging. Now that I’ve got a modicum of success they are aware that I am always stoked about training, I love messing around with my muscle head friends in the gym, that my suffering through pre contest prep, music preparation and routine practice, and competing is enjoyable. Today they are amazed with my accomplishments and the physique that has emerged. Now they want me to tell them how it all happened. What did I do? How did I do it? The perspective for my critics turned fans had to change. The process of transformation has caused a shift in their attitudes. We are again friends.

Bottom Line: Fear of being left behind often causes our best friends to question “WHY” we want to do bodybuilding especially at my/our age. Press on! Eventually, your critics will ask you “How you did it?” This to me is called personal victory! Nobody can ever take it away from you.

Push beyond personal attacks and discouragement. There is no other way forward except through the obstacles.

In order to have anything we must develop a solid case of “WANT TO” which is to say that we will do whatever it takes to get the thing we desire most. We have to develop a very base need that can be equated to “HUNGER.” When we are hungry there is nothing that stands in the way of you who are hungry and that necessary meal. “HUNGER” for our goal must become a need that has to be satisfied. Thus, we will automatically create a mindset of “WANT TO.” THE “HUNGER” and the “WANT TO” are necessary and must travel together to win the day. Bodybuilding training is the clear demonstration of “WANT TO” but we cannot forget that it is the “HUNGER” that ignites it all.

Each of us has to decide what is important and worthy of our all out effort. Tons of thought and dreaming and planning must be done well in advance of starting the trek to be the best. So, take the time and know what you want first. Once you have selected your goal, ‘zero on it,’ laser on it’ make it the only thing important to you in the whole wide world. Nothing is accomplished when we apply ourselves part-time to the cause. The important things in life are attained when we pour in the effort full-time, completely, and totally.

Once the goal is decided on we have to pursue it as if we would die if we didn’t get it. “HUNGER” lights the trail ahead. Nobody can dissuade us. Failure is not an option. I “WANT TO” is my way of saving that I have a priority that needs addressing.

When I prepare for a contest I work very hard to create in me the 1-2 punch of “HUNGER” AND “WANT TO” so I can focus on the plan and the process. There is nothing left to chance in this sequence. The heart, the body, the effort, the stage, and the win.

In closing: Position yourself to be able to see the trophy. Get a handle on the basic psychology of winning. Plan and train like there is no tomorrow. If you do this, you will win….no matter what the target is. You have my word. So, Let’s together “climb the hill” because we are hungry……Doug

Mental illness sometimes incorporates the term “OBSESSION” as if it is universally bad. I submit that another way to say it is “ASYMETRICAL” FOCUS.” When you set out to accomplish something that is very important to you there is no “YING and YANG.” Here “OBSESSION” and “balance” cannot coexist when maximum effort and laser-like focus is required to attain our goals.

How many times has each of us heard a well-meaning friend or relative say to us, “Just Relax Bro!” or “Take it Easy” or here’s a good one, “I know you’re working hard but I just don’t want you to get hurt!” Each of these has the net effect to cause us to believe that winning happens while you rest or sleep or are otherwise engaged in something pleasant. Nothing could be further from the truth. Simple inspection tells us that there is a beginning and an end. It’s up to us to determine that the end is worth it and then to go about the business of planning, execution, and staying focused on the stated goal.

Character by way of the work ethic is forged and lowered into place. We put on our “big boy pants” and do the journey to the top. We have to obsess, believe, and know in our souls that with each passing workout we are getting closer to having the best package to achieve the goal.

Bottom Line: Make it your business to win. It will involve nothing less than your best! Think Asymetrical Focus. Learn it, obsess over it, and make it operative. This is not the domain of the ‘Ying and Yang.”

Overcoming all that others have planned for us is a daunting task. But, if we are to be better or different we have to dream, think, pray, and act on our own vision of ourselves.

Respect is what drives most of us guys to be the best at what we do. There is a high probability that a guy will live down to the expectations that has been given him, Or, conversely he will live up to the expectations that have been programmed into him from his earliest years. We guys are weird creatures and each of us is as different as snowflakes. However, there is a shared deep seated desire or requirement for guys to exist and advance. “HE MUST FEEL LIKE HE IS RESPECTED.” But, we all soon learn that respect must be won and it will never be just handed to us.

In bodybuilding as in life you start at the bottom and you begin the journey to the top. Nobody really sees who you are nor do they care. It’s at this stage of development that we must be well thought of by our trainers, or colleagues, our training partners, our families. We desperately want bodybuilding to be our reason and method to reach our goals and hopefully some respect. We choose bodybuilding because it provides a clear cut way forward but many people do not see it that way. They ridicule our efforts and down play our accomplishments even though they themselves have never attempted anything in the sport. All of us needs to have people around us that encourage us.

Respect in bodybuilding comes on a day by day, hour by hour basis. Initially, we are focused but we do not yet have the experience to accomplish anything. It’s the daily grind, that teaches the way to grow bigger, improve our stamina, define the physique we want.

Respect comes when the same people who disrespected us stop talking. Bad mouthing us ceases. I’ve often said that the best compliments are the ones that are unsolicited from others. That’s how you know the compliment is real and probably heartfelt. We must work hard with no thought of reward and no expectation that we will be singled out for praise. Our work ethic and character is being forged in the fire of effort and pain.

Slowly, we are changing into a person that our friends and family never envisioned us to become. Respect has been attained. This is the world we have chosen. This is ours and all the accomplishments and great results belong to us. Whatever others thought of us or predicted for us is no longer operative. We are different as bodybuilders and I’m betting that most people who saw us grow up never dreamed this was a possibility.

Bottom Line: We have done well “DANIELSON” (Mr. Miagi from Karate Kid) but it’s not what people thought. Nice work guys! Keep going.

Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! ….Shall the clay say to him that fashioneth it, What makest thou? or thy work, He hath no hands?

¹⁰ Woe unto him that saith unto his father, What begettest thou? or to the woman, What hast thou brought forth?—-Isaiah 45:9 & 10

It is clear from these verses that certain things in our existence should never be questioned and it’s stupid to do so. How many of us are still angry with our parents for producing something inferior and it’s our parent’s fault. In fact, many of us use our parents’ failing and imperfections as excuses to not make the effort to be better. If we look at our parents long enough we will find the perfect reason not to be aggressive and determined to climb to a greater place than we are today. Some excuses sort of sound like this, “In my family none of us are hard chargers. We are more laid back. We just love people. or “I hate conflict and discomfort. Both my mom and dad always tried to avoid any bad feelings.”or “if you try to be better than anyone else at something then all we are a show offs and you’re just making others jealous and they will not like you for this.”

Such are the eventual sources of self doubt and conditioning that we assign to our parents. We actually ask them and ourselves, “why have you made me this way?” Instantly ascribing bad things to our parents (“MAKERS”) where no evil intent existed. Thus, we have a ready made mindset that tells us and all others that we “Cannot” do it nor will we try. Ouch!

Basic fact: We have to do it ourselves and it will be painful to move forward to win in life. We will be sculpting a life but pain is the constant companion for us as we progress. “MAN CANNOT REMAKE HIMSELF WITHOUT SUFFERING FOR HE IS BOTH THE MARBLE AND THE SCULPTOR.”

We do not blame our “MAKERS” or others when effort to advance and win is dipped in pain. We are the person who swings the hammer and receives the pain on our own being. Nobody told us it would be easy and often they didn’t tell us “HOW” to remake ourselves. That is left to us.

Bottom Line: Pain is inevitable. Accept it. Apply what’s required despite the pain. Blame has no place but willingness to be different and better is absolutely required in order to withstand the pain of improvement.

Blame nobody. Apply that which is required to improve. Endure the suffering because a better you will emerge from the stone that you are sculpting. You have to believe in this process because everything you want is subject to this reality. If you’re a bodybuilder it will be hard but the rewards greatly outshine the effort required. If you’re a baseball player much of your success that the world will stand up and cheer for is anchored in the acceptance of al l that is needed to be the best.

REMEMBER! ANYTHING WORTH ATTAINING IN LIFE WILL NEVER HAVE TO BE GIVEN BACK. IT’S OURS. BE ABOUT THE BUSINESS OF WINNING!

SCULPTING TAKES EFFORT–BUT IS NECESSARY

All directed suffering is necessary to succeed!

No matter what we want or how we measure success it always requires the twin towers of “DISCIPLINE AND PERSEVERANCE.” By putting these two qualities together there is almost nothing that can’t be accomplished. Let me explain:

First, as always and forever there has to be a single mindedness to winning. Half heartedness is never part of a winners mindset. You see, a winner has already abandoned the thought of failure. This is gone! Nothing can distract him/her. Nothing will get between them and the stated goal.

Secondly, The winner plugs in the required “DISCIPLINE” in every aspect of their lives to win. They are aware of their body and all that it will need go be in top form to win. The winner trains the body with reckless abandon. He feeds it that which is demanded for peak performance. He rests his body religiously to allow for the body to heal and prepare for the next training session. Nothing is left to chance.

Thirdly, the winner has perseverance in the face of setbacks, delays, injury, and failure. With each of these he must get back up and redirect himself toward the goal. He has to overcome things that were anticipated and things that were unanticipated. Each obstacle has it’s own unique set of troubles that inhibit his march to the stage of victory.

In the end, there is no allowance for negative thoughts or behavior that contradicts his goals as they have been set out. The only two things that must be exercised and implemented is “DISCIPLINE AND PERSEVERANCE.” These two qualities are the unseen engines for success. Nobody knows about them but they can see the results. Quiet and mysterious they drive the champion forward to victory.

“DISCIPLINE AND PERSEVERANCE”-—-Harness these two qualities! They are free and yet the most powerful weapons we could ever possess!

“DISCIPLINE AND PERSEVERANCE”—–YOUR FORMULA FOR SUCCESS!!

I was told once that in order to win I must work while the beautiful people played. I must work while they slept. I must work while the gifted squandered their God-Given talents and advantages. Having had nothing all my life, these admonitions have paid great dividends and given me everything to build on.

All of us when we were growing up found ourselves on the outside looking in and wishing that we had some way to be a art of the “In Crowd.” We wanted it so bad we salivated at the tiniest bit of attention this group would give us. We wished with all our being that we could be that “cool” or that we would be cute enough or beautiful enough to be invited to hang out with the “God’s of Privilege.” These days also taught us that these wonderful groups also could hurt us badly while tolerating our presence. I need not elaborate.

I had no magic formula to be better than the “rich and famous.” But, when I heard that I could beat these “Titans of Privilege” by working hard, I was speechless. Finally, there was a way to win in this world without having to suck up to those that had it all. I simply had to work harder than anybody else.

There it is for all of us to gaze upon! In a single thought, “Miracles tend to happen to those who work very hard. “ Accept the fact that there is no free pass. There is nothing that can be had by wishing it to be so. If any of us wants to win we have to “WORK HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE.”

Any questions? I didn’t think so! Time to go to work.

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How many times have we heard our parents or other caring people in our lives say to us, “Doug, you have to “find” yourself.” It always happens when we are at a key juncture in our lives. They mean well but the admonition always falls on deaf ears or is deflected by a hard and unwilling heart. All of our best people in our lives want only the best for us and for this we are grateful.

God wants us to work. There is honor in working. We are designed to work hard for what we want. Thus, the best we can do for ourselves is to decide what is most important to us. We have to decide that this thing is deserving of all our attention, hard work, and love. Once this is in place there is only the task of working hard to get it. It sounds simple but it is not simple as we all know.

In my humble opinion it’s at this point that we begin a metamorphosis to become that which is required to attain that which we want. It starts with a change of the mind. Wherever we were headed before must be abandoned and I dare say totally forgotten. This little exercise to change our compass is so hard that it wrecks many a good person. Instead of completing the about face the majority of men will begin to make excuses about why it’s not possible to move in a different direction to attain that which they have stated they wanted. For example, “Now is not the best time.” or “I have too many other things going on.” One of my favorites, “If I was like you I’d be able to make it happen.” In every case there is a reason to fail or to even start. But, forgetting those things that are behind us is absolutely necessary to go in a different direction.

Remaking ourselves into the person or champion we want to be is built on the premise that we have decided to be better and the full confidence that it will take herculean effort at times to do it. Each thing we cut off and leave behind is matched by the new things required to win. I submit that all of us can reshape and remake our beings as people y paying attention to the details required to overcome the things that hold us back and defeat us.

Never fall for the lie that anything is possible if we want it bad enough. Wanting something is not enough. We have to skillfully plan and execute what is needed to recreating ourselves.

Envision the body or accomplishment you desire. Get started cutting away anything that keeps us where we are. Pour yourselves into the effort to have what you desire. Never give away your dreams along with the person you want to become.

In closing, there is no such thing as wishing your goals into existence. You have to work like theres’s not tomorrow in order to become that new person…..You Must go about the business of creating yourself….Not finding yourself. That person does not exist.

Basics and the Start

As I look at the things that I have accomplished in my life, they have all occurred because I “chose” to win or at the very least I dared to step onto the field of contest. Baseball has always been a part of my life. Sitting on the bench “wishing” I could be on the field has never been an option. I used to sit expectantly on the bench hoping the coach would notice me and see my willingness to give it my all. More often than I would like to admit…..I was ignored and forgotten. The game would end and I would carry my baseball glove home alone. It was not what I anticipated or wanted.

The Lesson

Then, after awhile it occurred to me that I would never be selected simply because I showed up. I decided to be pro-active and “Prepare” to be selected. I played catch against the wall by myself. I got into as many pick up games as possible. I played catch and shagged fly balls. I was getting better and I knew it. Then, I got my chance when I was just 11. First organized baseball game I ever played and I hit one out of the park. Got a single. Drove in 3 runs. Made 2 shoe string catches in the outfield. Result! I made the all star team playing with much older kids. I Got a full spread article in the local news paper. This one single event set the tone for the rest of my athletic life and life in general. Hall of Fame Football Coach from the University of Alabama, Bear Bryant said it best, “Winning?! Hell! Everybody wants to win but winning is reserved for him who prepares to win.”
Boom! All formulas were solved! The golden rule for winning is “PREPARATION.”

The Gym

In the gym I keep to myself and train with intent. I know what I want to accomplish with each workout and I’ve worked it through on paper before I start. I train alone so I have nobody to blame for under training or failure except myself. I want to win so I employ the basics of “DISCIPLINE”

1.) I decide that winning is what I want

2.) Then, I devise a plan to get from where I start to my end goal.

3) Execution! The plan has to be adhered to daily….I don’t miss workouts!

4.) I set my will “LIKE FLINT” toward to stated goal. Nothing gets in my way.

5.) When I have “WON” I am able to look back to the the things that I had to do well. It all took personal “DISCIPLINE”…..”REGRET” at this point has no place in my mind, my life, my soul. Even if I did not “WIN” I know that “DISCIPLINE” had its full freedom to cause greatness to emerge.

Never forget that “DISCIPLINE” will steer you away from “REGRET” which is the same as death to me.

When you run out of talent “DISCIPLINE” will take you home.

go to: http://www.sixpackandsenior.com

Wow! Some of the deepest truths are right in front of us and only need to be stated or revealed. Bunches of times all of us have taken on something with the attitude that this whole effort is “impossible” and so we ask, “why start on it anyway.?” We essentially have decided that we are doomed before we even start. I hate this feeling that the task we have to complete is too big, too hard or unreachable. I think I should just go home, leaving the job undone.

Well, the truth that often reveals itself is, “Get your butt in gear and start. The rest will fall into place and the job will be completed.” Bingo! A great bit of wisdom is also imparted to our unbelieving heart.

Bodybuilding for me has the same self-defeating pitfalls. Each time I get up on stage I think that I’m too fat. Not big enough. I’m not good at posing. In my case, “I’m too old. Its’ easy to scrap the entire contest for any or all of these reasons/excuses. But, I don’t. I do my best no matter what. Along the way I am imparted a large dose of wisdom. God says, “You do the work and I will finish the course with you.” Sometimes I’m a world beater and other times I’m not that good. But, the take home is that “All things seem impossible until it’s done.” Don’t look back and focus only on finishing well. This is success! Nobody can ever take it away from you.

I am happy to take on the “impossible.“ Beat it to death until “IT’S DONE.” In my life this is job one and it needs to be the same for all of us.