Author: Doug Graham

This is not only a mindset is a monster personal statement or declaration. Each and everyone of us who hits the gym with the stage as our proving ground knows that we can only make the journey if we believe ‘we can.” The next part is to stand firmly in front of the world and especially the naysayers and trumpet the words, “I can and I will—Watch me!”

Long ago I stood in the middle of the field house all alone and vowed that I would be the best athlete that ever played here. By all accounts I fell far short of the vaunted task I committed myself to. But, the quiet desperation of a kid who believed he “could do it” was the beginning of a life of holy pursuit of that which seemed out of reach. I believe with all my heart that nothing is ever out of reach. We may fail on our way but the only true failure is “THE ‘Q’ WORD”—–QUIT! Anybody can engage a target but only we can put the final nail in our coffin by “QUITTING.”

Now regarding whether we bodybuilders “CAN”—–it’s an absolute yes. Now, because we have decided that we “CAN”-–we will….Just watch us (old people) do it an “WIN.”

In any other endeavor in life that is worth going after, take the personal dare to commit and do it. Let the naysayers have their self delusional moment while we “WIN.” Stand back world and “WATCH ME!” — “WE CAN AND WE WILL!”

The love of my life and the reason I cannot be beaten

Many people have said to me during my life, “If it were easy everyone would be doing it.” Basic to this is that anything that is worthy of our complete attention and demands our best effort is very much worth it! We have to understand that in order to be our best on stage and in our personal lives we have to never delude ourselves into thinking that what we want is going to be a “snap.” At the same time we have to decide that no matter what our goals are worth the effort and the journey is our calling. The goal is our destination and it is magnificent. But! More than that the way forward is lined with goodness and opportunities to be our best.

I wish I had more to say but the bottom line is that whatever our destination it is “WORTH IT!” This journey is “OURS” because we chose it. Nobody can do it for us and nobody can take it away from us. For us bodybuilders! It’s onto the stage! For the rest of us it is onto mountain top that belongs to you—-BECAUSE IT’S HARD (NOT EASY) AND IT’S WORTH IT! SEE YOU AT THE TOP!

My family that is easy to love and they are “WORTH IT!”

All of us has faced this dilemma. We are cornered and there is no place to run to, nobody to come to our rescue, all our friends are someplace else. The danger is right in front of us. It’s do our die. At this point there is no fright or flight response. We are on the chopping block and its time to man up. Whoever the aggressor is needs to know that they are dealing with a person who is not going to roll over and take an ass kicking needlessly. Time to fix bayonets and come out of the fox hole and go hand to hand.

All this is metaphorical (for now) but each of us needs to know that there are times when “no one else is going to be at our side” when trouble hits. There is a tendency to allow evil to have its way with us when we don’t deserve it because it’s too embarrassing, we are rendered helpless by circumstances or politics. More often than not we take stripes that don’t belong to us. It’s during these times that we first learn that we have “stand up for ourselves”—we have to puff our chests and say NO!

All of us guys (maybe some girls, I don’t know) have had a bigger guy pick on us. In my case he would take my cute little lunch box that looked like a barn with animals painted on it all the rest and he would take my lunch out and throw it on the ground and smash my “Little Red Barn Lunchbox.” This happened a couple times a week. My mom was pretty upset about fixing or replacing my lunchbox, not to mention the black eyes and torn clothing. Then, my big brother told me (I was in 3rd grade) to pick up a stick or anything and when he came around to do his worse—POW! Let him have it….Don’t stop hitting him until he goes away. I had nothing to lose. When he came around to destroy my life I hit him in the face with a rock. I opened a wide gash over his right eye and there was instant ceasing of aggression and blood everywhere. I got a call from his parents that night and I let my mom do her worst. I had no further attacks on my “Little Red Barn” from that day forward. This is the lesson of life, “YOU GET WHAT YOU TOLERATE” and it takes massive courage to “STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.”

In bodybuilding we have to be our own advocates. Nobody tells us to train or the get ready or to eat right. But, we know that. if we are not ready for the stage our competition will embarrass us before God and everybody. Nobody comes to our rescue. Now, is the time to “get ready to rumble!” We must stand up for ourselves. Bodybuilding reinforces these basic human traits. We know that if we don’t do it ourselves nobody else will be there.

Bottom Line: Have no regret! This is our life. Nobody can take it from us…..we can only surrender. NOT AN OPTION!

I hate to go into anything with a mindset of “PLAYING NOT TO LOSE!” To me this means I am always on defense trying to mitigate risk and minimize damage so as to have just enough left in the tank at the end to avoid total annihilation. This frame of mind has already lost. This thinking exudes fear and fatalism. Wow! What a crummy way of taking on the world. I reject this with all my heart and soul.

On the other hand, I love to go after things with my whole heart! With my whole being. I’m not going to lose because I have chosen win! I define victory and I’m not rolling over for anybody.

When I train daily I’m focused and not talking. When I prep for a contest I listen to instruction and my wife who is my posing coach, but nobody else. My daily effort is focused on food, training, cardio, and posing. Like it sayS, “I’M ALL IN!” Bodybuilding is not for the faint of heart. To do well you have to, “GO ALL IN!” There is no other way to play the game and have any expectation of success.

In life it’s the same thing, “You have to go ALL IN or forget it. Go home and return to your life of boredom and predictability. But! To win you have to “GO ALL IN” leaving nothing to chance. Superhuman effort defines using bodybuilding and in life. If we are not “ALL IN” then something else will define us.—We definitely do not want that.

I find that once I’ve decided on what I am going to the hardest thing is to “IGNORE THE NOISE.” Let me explain. distracting or discouraging “NOISE” comes at you in in waves and mostly when you’re trying to think through what’s required and what it means. Take for instance when you are laying out a plan to develop giant arms. You intellectually know what’s needed and so you write it down. You put together a targeted program aimed at giving you much bigger arms. Then it comes time to execute the plan. You attack with a vengeance. You get it done and your arms are screaming with pain. Later in the week it’s time to do it again. This time you have less enthusiasm as you recall the pain that the effort demands. Each time you work your arms there is a hesitancy to do it for the same reasons. Soon, you are questioning whether you should even continue this training for obvious reasons.

In the meantime, your buddies are starting to say things like, “It doesn’t seem like your new program is having much of an effect!” OUCH! In our zeal to grow and to get rid of our critics we modify our training to suit the opinions of others. Much to our undoing. We instead start listening the “NOISE” these detractors are uttering.

Believe me! It is hard to focus on our goals when we are listening to the “noise” that critics are dishing out. Sometimes, they don’t have to say a thing. Their body language provides the same “noise.”

It is here that we must “FOCUS ON OUR GOALS” and block out any and all “NOISE” that takes our attention off reaching our goal. The “NOISE” has to be overcome. There is no other way to “FOCUS” if we relent and allow the “NOISE” to drown our our “FOCUS.”

In closing: Let me urge each of us to learn the discipline of blunting that “NOISE” which so often besets us and prevent us from winning. Stay the course even when it’s seemingly too hard to keep going. Never look back. Never settle. You will always win if you do. Learn to quiet the doubting heart and the harsh words of those who want you to fail.

I’ve been preaching this gospel of immediacy for about 3 years now. It kinda goes like this, “All we have is today and we have tons of potential!” A friend of mine, Doug Andrewski who is the Chief Kahuna of the Titan Classic Bodybuilding Championships in Wisconsin put this to me. I’d lamented that I wish I had started bodybuilding when I was much younger. Doug turned to me and gave me this life changing quote, “All we have is today and we have tons of potential!” Instantly, today became “my time.” I stopped looking back with regret. I stopped wishing I could be today like I was when I was young. My focus went to two time frames, 1.) Today. 2.) The future.

This is “OUR” time! We have to unload all our previous glory days and failures and regrets. We now must focus on today so we can prepare for our futures. Today is loaded with work that is undergirded by dreams and plans and NO regrets. Tomorrow is where we are headed after we do the work today.

Key thought for me is that we are loaded with potential no matter how young or old we are. Now! Since this is “OUR TIME,” we must tap this potential and bring it to life and operationalize it.

In bodybuilding, we can’t ever be intimidated or afraid of anything. The only opponent is ourselves. We have to overcome any and all limitations we self impose. Do more reps. Do more sets. TODAY! TOMORROW is where we are headed so set the bar very high and don’t look back.

You dear friends and I are living “OUR TIME!” This is it! Unlock the potential that has been residing in you for so long and turn it loose. Nothing is stopping you but you.

In closing. Our time is now……think about what that means and do something about it.

The word “NO” has many origins and has many reasons to be uttered to us. Most of the time “NO” is in response to a simple functional question so we comply because it’s the only answer. However, when we launch ourselves in a given direction with a worthy goal “NO” is never the answer nor do we comply.

If the object of pursuing that which we want is to get it and win then “NO” is a ridiculous response. Even as we look inward we have to decide that an all out effort is required and that the end game is worth everything. Even here we will be tempted to succumb to the word “NO”-–and it will keep sticking it’s head up. Each time we have to evaluate what we are doing. If the answer is still to keep going then “NO” is never the answer.

“GRIT AND STICKING TO OUR GUNS” is a noble and very personal thing to do. We understand what’s at stake and nothing but forward progress will suffice. There can be no backing down. “NO” has no power over us. “STICKING TO OUR GUNS” to the end is the only action worth considering. If we give in to “NO” we will have condemned ourselves to a defeat. The big risk is that this defeat will stop our progress altogether.

There is no magic. There is only “GRIT AND OUR COMMITMENT TO STICK TO OUR GUNS.” As the Mandelorian would say, “THIS IS THE WAY!”

Bodybuilding causes us to face this dilemma each and every morning when our eyes flicker open for the day. We scan the horizon for the win. We are aware of the reasons why we should push forward. When we hit the gym, we in effect have invoked “GRIT” to get the job done.

Never forget that “NO” is self eliminating. Sticking to our path is noble. Hit the stage knowing that you belong there because of your “GRIT” and because you did not abandon “YOUR GUNS.” Remember! You can’t win if you don’t show up!

The Best to all Warriors everywhere who need the “GRIT” and persistence to “STICK TO YOUR GUNS” no matter who utters the word “NO.”

In bodybuilding there are NO short cuts. Often the journey will take us down roads that we never dreamed of and they are usually very unpleasant. They are usually unpleasant and hard because we don’t believe it will do any good, or we are afraid of change, or we are stubborn and just don’t want to do it. Even when we know the hard road is necessary we fight doing it.

I hated being told by my coach, Justin Dees that I don’t listen and I’m constantly going rogue on him even after him giving me very clear instructions. He was right! I thought I knew enough to skate by and be successful. Boy! I was wrong. I was consistently under performing and it had everything to do with my attitude. Justin got me aside and took me into his office and told me, “I don’t know why you pay me! You don’t ever do what I tell you.” That wasn’t a wake up call, it was a call to duty and a severe warning! That was about as close to crying by a grown man as you will ever see. Times changed pronto! This was the “WORST”—Now, in order to get to the best things I had to perform under the ultimatum. I learned and it was painful! I just finished my 21st contest.

When my son was diagnosed with Acute T-Cell Leukemia at age 11 things got very bad very fast. He was sick and I was working hard to be a normal dad for him. When things got real bad his Pediatric Oncologist told us what was decided for his treatment. But! his next few words set the course for us and my son’s treatment. He said, “In order to get to a better place we have to go down into a very bad place. There was no other way.” Nathan, was going to get very sick and he might die but we have no other recourse. This was the way to the best and it promised to be the worst of journeys. We did it! We suffered and Nathan nearly died but he is alive and in permanent remission.

In each of the above stories the kernel of wisdom is to grasp the truth of the journey, face it, get on with it and don’t look back and don’t give up. The BEST is up ahead but we have to PATIENTLY execute the plan and endure when it seems better to quit!

Bottom Line: THE “WORST” ALWAYS BEGETS THE “BEST”

This quote is soooo true! How often do we fantasize about something wonderful that we want to possess. We want it so badly it’s all we think about. We imagine how it’s going to feel in our hands or how it will look on our bodies. In our minds we twirl it, touch it, run our hands along the exterior, and it becomes part of us. Its better than “Ralphy’s Red Ryder Air Rifle”—and we know the rest of the Christmas Story.

Now Ralphy did not do anything to get the “Red Ryder Air Rifle,” he just wanted it so badly that it occupied his mind, heart, and life as he anticipated getting his hands on it. This is where the story of “WANT” ends and reality takes over.

The greatest truth we will ever face is that if we “WANT” something we have to earn it, not just pine for it. As we work for that which we “WANT” it slowly becomes within reach and one day it is ours. The transition from “WANT” to “DESERVE” has just been made. Nobody can take it away. We earned it and we “DESERVE” it. Perspective is everything.

In bodybuilding, as it is in life, we want the body and the trophies because that’s the currency we traffic in as competitors. The first thing we learn from our coaches (in my case, Justin Dees) is that we have to put in the effort to first get the body and then pound it into a presentable and potentially a champion physique. There is no just “WANTING” a great body, it must be earned through consistent, daily, hard work and discipline. It’s a lonely road but it has to be traveled by you and me. Nobody will do it for us and no amount of “WANTING” can substitute for the focus, planning, effort and pain.

The next time somebody says they “WANT” something, do some counseling in the kindest voice to guide them to the tools required so that they attain what they “DESERVE.” This is where our experience can save a person from their own “DELUSIONAL THOUGHTS AND DESIRES.” The sense that you have helped another to be better is the feeling you “DESERVE.” This is our calling to give back.

There are so many things in life that have to be learned and integrated for our self improvement and in many cases for our own personal survival. My wife and I talk much about the hardest of lessons we learn and how it happened. Christine, often tells me a story that her father, Congressman, David King of Utah, told her about the greatest lessons that he learned. Each of the great lessons is put into place during the hardest circumstances imaginable. These lessons often become part of the fabric of our belief systems that forms the foundation that we rest our lives on. It could be the death of a family member, a severe illness, the loss of a marriage, a wayward son or daughter, or the loss of a career. What ever the trauma that threatens to end our very beings we have to face these things squarely and figure out a way to go on. How we respond to our really bad “THING” will determine whether we learned anything and can push on to a victory or whether we missed the point and we are beaten.

In bodybuilding we are faced with injury, sickness, medical conditions, psychological burnout, or a loss of our way forward or the loss of our “REASON WHY.” Again, how we respond to our REALLY BAD THING will determine whether we retrench and figure out another way tp live and redoubling our efforts or whether we will let the “BAD THING” cause “self-elimination.”

Life, family, or bodybuilding requires us to face the hardest of challenges. We will be forced to stare defeat in the face and yet win. In doing so, we will discover what we are really made of. What sort of character do we possess? Ultimately, we are either quitters or conquerors. This determination will only come to the surface when we face our darkest moments. Pray that God will help us to the next level when we have been devastated.