Author: Doug Graham

All of us who have been athletes in a previous life can remember a coach walk directly up0 to us and get into our face and scream, “Graham! If you want to play for me you gotta do your job! You gotta play BIG or not at all. Don’t make me put your sorry ass on the bench beside me!” Boy! After a gigantic ass kicking and super human admonition we instantaneously wanted to perform. We would run through a brick wall if that was asked of us to get onto the mat, the field, or the court to destroy the competition. That sort of speech marked the beginning of a “hunger” to be better, to perform above our pay grade, to win at all costs.

All of us have seen fellow athletes who had it all. Good looks, a seemingly perfect body, and a relaxed method of winning that we wished we had. We also witnessed these same sorts of people squander their perfect sets of talent and gifts from God. They quit. They drank heavy. They stayed out late. Smoked reefer. Dropped acid or any of 100 other things that destroyed their will to be the best they can be. I’m a firm believer that winners are not born, they are made in the crucible of life and all it’s challenges.

I’m small and will always be small. But, a coach got me aside and said those terribly precise words to me while he hung onto my face mask. I played bigger than life. Because I did, life changed for me. I was no longer limited by my size. This dog had a demon inside me that was released and the rest is history. I won’t bore you with old stories of glory.

You and only you can generate the desire (hunger) to pay the price and win. In the gym, you have to disappear inside your head and talk to the spirit that sustains you and guides you to increased effort. We have to imagine ourselves getting bigger, more defined, and ultimately winning. It’s a mindset that is worth it’s weight in gold. Nobody can give it to you and only you can develop it or to abandon it. It’s always our choice.

A coach told me once. Never look at your competition. Focus only on you and what you need to do to be the best you can be that day. I do the same thing in bodybuilding. Nothing is in the way until after I step off stage. It’s over at the point because I left it all on stage. I didn’t quit. I am determined to learn, whether I win lose or draw, what I need to do for next time to be better. Tons of people are better naturally, but very few, if any outwork me because I always remain—-“HUNGRY TO WIN.”

All of us has a choice 1.) Succumb to free floating self-inflicted intimidation by the more talented and gifted or 2.) Ignore the competition and remember that we are “HUNGRIER” than anybody else in the arena that night.

Bottom Line: Stop gawking and get “HUNGRY”. This is your time!

This is a tough truth to internalize and even tougher to execute. When we are faced with a problem, a challenge, a threat, a chance to recover, or to destroy we instantly have imbedded in our psyche the limits that we cannot or will not cross. Unfortunately, in all of us there is a base part of our characters that struggles to be set free when the time is right to preserve our lives or to deter and destroy that which threatens us or our families. A strong man is the guy who has tremendous base instincts, power, and emotion and can control each of them until the time when they are needed. Never does he use them or allow their expression indiscriminately, especially on those whom he loves.

Bodybuilding teaches us to dare to unleash these instincts in the gym during our prep, and on stage—–to win! Training enables us to project these base instincts onto steel and machines to forge a body that will cause us to be better than we are. It can’t be any other way. The lessons we learn in the crucible of training transfers to almost any other part of our lives. We have to carefully select the base character traits needed to accomplish the things that we have decided are important. Think of your wife. Your kids. Your job. Your academic achievements. Your other athletic wins. Each of these took something more than we thought we had. But, somewhere from deep inside we pulled the correct spirit out of hiding and we put it to work. When the battle was over, we put away such things until needed again.

For us, who head for the stage as our end point, we have to look deep inside for that character trait that makes us stand head and shoulders above ourselves and our competition. We engage it boldly, without fear of failure, or regret. For the bodybuilder in each of us there is only the final product and the stage to define our victory, loss, or lessons learned.

Bottom Line: Go to the mat to win, but only after you have defined what victory means to you and then select the warrior portion of your personality that has to be engaged. Remember, controlling these spirits is real strength. Applying them judiciously is wisdom. Self mastery is the ultimate name of the game. There are no substitutes. This is your time! Play big, play wise, play tough—-a great many people depend on you to do your calling well.

A very good and wise friend of mine, Doug Andrewski said to me once, “All we have is today, and YOU have a lot of potential.” See you on the other side of the winner’s circle!

I think all of us have tried so hard to accomplish something that those around us started wondering if we had a screw loose or whether we were struggling to compensate for some childhood insult or deficiency. When we persisted the people we irritated by our efforts and antics began to complain openly to us and anybody that would listen — that we thought we were better than other people. They missed our intent and our passion completely. So, they would impose demands that we cease and desist “for our own good.” —As if they know what is best for us.

Fast forward! We did not stop. We did not return to the place that we started from. Instead all of us pushed ahead in the face of tons of criticism. We were just not done yet. Our sites were on something nobody else could see nor could they experience. We were just too excited to be deterred. We would never be done until the task was done or in the present “yet done.”

As we approach our next challenge (of our choosing) whether it be in bodybuilding, parenting, education, or our jobs, never stop until the job is done. Don’t let anybody tell us that, “we gave it our all and we tried.” NAHHH! Setbacks or delays are just speed bumps. Look around at all those that quit. Now, go ahead and finish the job so we can say with the Apostle Paul, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith…..” This has to be our credo our mantra to do the work until we are “DONE!” Nothing in this finite world is as satisfying as doing things to completion in spite of naysayers and doubters.

Bottom Line: What good is it anyway to keep doing a multitude of things dispassionately and half way. Grab your passion (even if it’s only part time) and finish your calling. Bodybuilders! Head for the stage. Win, lose or draw…..Show up! The rest of you, find your stage and finish strong. The world is waiting for your excellence. Remember! “I AM NOT DONE YET!!”

These three things are the essence and foundations upon all that I do. Everybody has a great plan until the first shot is fired and the first plan goes directly into the toilet. Chaos reigns for a time and then cooler heads take over and we again engage the plan as we get control of the situation. But, it takes super human focus to see the failure and the path forward as we struggle out of the gates.

In body building there are a lot of words that we use to put off doing what is required. Our minds want it but our hearts are not plugged in. We have to totally sell out our hearts and minds to accomplish anything worthwhile in life. We have to believe it is possible to win. Once this has happened we look around us for the tools to get the job done. Gym memberships, money, friends, clothing, whatever has to be put into the equation. We have to assemble these pieces in a manner that points us to the stage and the win.

Doing what we can. This is broad and seemingly open-ended. It’s not! We have to believe that we can. Then we have to live up that belief that we must do what we can. Anything less is an excuse to fail comfortably with a great cover story for our crash.

Bodybuilding is hard but it brings out the worst and the best is in us, quite apart from other areas in our lives. Marriage, childrearing, church and personal faith, careers. All are affected by the attitude and the work ethic that we develop in the gym. Body building is NOT the Rosetta Stone nor are their Oracles hovering over altars of truth. It is a journey that has the potential of establishing in each of us, the principles of hard work, self mastery, and taking responsibility for failures and victories. This is our time! Let’s not squander even a moment.

In closing: 1.) Don’t wait for the perfect moment to get started. Get alone. Think. Plan 2.) Take inventory of the great tools that have been laying around that have gone unused to this point. Assemble them for battle. 3.) Don’t just do what you can. Do ALL THAT YOU CAN to hit the mark. Leave no room for excuses in the gym or in our personal lives. Excuses are the lies we tell ourselves in order to let ourselves down softly—Only to pick up the heaviest burden of all—-REGRET! Others depend on us to be and do our best! We dare not disappoint them.

Sooner or later we all find ourselves being devoured by life. Nothing is going well. Divorce, illness of a child or a loved one, death of family members, loss job, repossession of a house or a car, rebellious kids etc. and the list goes on. Many times we feel like there is no place to turn or go for help or relief. I submit that God is the answer but we have to have the right questions to ask him to help with. Rarely, do we sit still long enough to define the problem, understand how that problem is defeating us, and lastly, we do not put together a proactive plan to respond.

That’s life in general and what I wrote stands on it’s own merits. Jumping immediately into the world of bodybuilding you will instantly notice the parallels. We experience anxiety to start training. We suffer personal attacks from those who doubt us that wish us to fail. We plan, we train, we get injured, we recover and start over. In each situation whether it is in life generally or in body building specifically, we have to turn to self confidence, God, develop a plan to go forward and execute that plan.

THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE WITH LIFE REALITIES AND OUR NARROWLY FOCUSED REALITIES AND GOALS. SAME PROCESS FOR ALL THINGS

In each situation we can either be crushed by the experience or we can allow our trials to refine us, focus us, and motivate us to keep moving in the right direction. We really don’t have any alternatives besides these two paths.

Bottom Line: You “WILL” be crushed! Life and in particular bodybuilding will “CRUSH” you. That is the point at which we lose our way and succumb to the badness that has befallen us or we figure out a way to make this badness make us better and more determined to win. The formula for refinement and success is always the same. You can choose refinement to win —- but you gotta want it!

First, knowing what you want will require tons of time alone to sort through what is true and what is not. We also have to consider what we want to be absolute and nothing can/will stop us from attaining the goal.

Second, after we have decided what we want we have to spend some more time alone setting up the plan to get to the goal. This takes tons of concentration on the intricacies to be lowered into place and how they will work for us. Nothing can be left to chance during this time of isolation.

Thirdly, again out of sight of any worldly distractions we solidify our commitment to the task at hand. All of what we do from this point on comes from the sacred promises you make to yourself —“ALONE!” As it says in the Bible, “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” Let’s just call this time and place “The Lair of the Holy Contract with God and Ourselves.” We have to realize that nothing is attainable, especially in bodybuilding, without a near blood oath with God, ourselves, and the goal. We draw our strength from this Holy alliance. Unbreakable, focused, and set in stone.

As we who participate in bodybuilding we know the effort, the food, the supplements, the cardio, the weight training it takes to move from one level to the next. Please note that all these lessons are applicable to any endeavor in life. We know the pain. When we have done the three steps above there is nothing that can stop us.

Bottom Line: Nothing worthy of our attention and our accomplishment happens in a void. It all must come from the heart or the heart will fail even before we start. This is our time! Consider. Think. Meditate. Plan. Act.—AND WIN!

How many of us has heard the saying, “When in Rome do as the Romans do?” or “You have to go along to get along?” Wow! Each of these is an indictment against the sovereignty of the individual. Both sayings encourages compliance that is usually antithetical to personal creativity and responsibility. Go ahead! Follow the crowd without thinking….It’s easy…..and too often we do just that.

I have lived long enough to have felt the barbs from well-meaning and from others not so well-meaning that indicate we are “just too big for our britches” or we are “addicted to the big thing” or we try to do “great things to compensate for our other failures and so we will be more readily accepted.” Just remember this! When you follow your passion you will walk your own path, and many times you will walk alone. Almost nobody will understand you and many people close to you will criticize you. I really don’t care what they say. It’s more important that we try to understand why they are so harsh. Lastly, we have to keep our eyes on the goal.

In bodybuilding the goal that we set for ourselves to get to the next level is really a short term goal but it has to be assailed as if it’s the final event of our mortal lives. When we train it comes at the expense of things we could have been doing that are as important. We have chosen and we continue. Each of us has lost friends along the way because our paths separated. There is no moral reason for it, it just happened. Unfortunately sometimes the separation is permanent.

Bottom Line in all this: Follow your passion and know that not everybody will be happy with you. But, also know that you don’t have to succumb to the opinions of others. Keep your own spirit and your own self intact—and you are the winner! This is your time. Don’t squander it in little games. Play BIG!

Almost everybody in the human race has faced something new and different. At this point we have a decision to make. Either to embrace the new and different thing or to walk around it and try to forget it. As life goes on we establish a pattern of taking on the difficult things that we know very little about or we become risk averse and we consistently avoid anything that presents itself as new and different….Most of the time out of fear. We fear what others will say or we fear how it might require change in us, or we fear that it might hurt us.

After the pattern of either being adventuresome or fearful is established inevitably somebody will identify this pattern and they will try to impart wisdom that they do not possess to get us to be like them. Again, this is a decision point.

In bodybuilding we get so regimented in the way we do things that anything different is disallowed. Same weight each time. Same sequence of exercises. Same number of reps. We don’t change because we are afraid to try something totally outside our comfort zones. Thus, though we are consistent with our workouts we get no real improvements. When we notice a lack of getting bigger or a lack of leanness —It’s time to change something and fear has to be set aside.

Conversely, in the gym we run across the guy who works out according to the newest and greatest podcast advice money can buy. Every work out is a new and better experience. They change so much that even the muscles have no predictability, they are stressed in new and weird ways. Alas! No real improvement in size or leanness occurs. But, the podcast warrior swears they are right….and they will tell you so. Like the bodybuilder who is driven by fear of change this guy is dying by a thousand cuts of newness and arrogance. It is time for a change.

In both cases we need help. That’s what coaches and trainers are for. They stand outside of us and guides us to better effort and behavior. Most of all they get us to decide what we want. Then comes the love/hate instruction from the coach to get us there. It is when we take control of where we want to go is when we develop confidence and assurance inside ourselves to go in the right direction despite our adventuresome or fearful natures. It is here where we set the rudder of our life and journey and nobody else can do that for us. It is here that we learn to listen to our own selves, our own hearts, our soul’s longings. We change what we are doing wrong but nobody sets my end goals or dictates the direction of my life—but me!

Bottom Line: Change what you have to. Then the rest is yours to execute and win! Go get ’em! This is your life and there isn’t another soul in the world who can do it for us and no other person sets my bar.

I like thinking that if I can think it then I can have it. Well, this is a false concept. Sure everything begins with a thought but thinking it does not bring it into reality. But, to be sure we have to focus on the things we want otherwise we are just day dreaming. Everyday has to have a day dream or two or we will burn ourselves out on our “to do list.” But, the work is done when we decide something is worth our total focus and we do it. Deciding what to focus on has everything to do with how we see ourselves and what we want. I love an old quote that helps me understand what is important, “SOME MEN DIE IN BATTLE, OTHERS GO DOWN IN FLAMES, BUT MOST MEN PERISH INCH-BY-INCH WHO PLAY IN LITTLE GAMES.” This golden oldie brings my character into sharper focus. I personally want to pick the hill I die on and go down in battle and flames because it is worth it. I don’t want to fritter my life away on non-essential idiocy.

In bodybuilding and life, we have to pay close attention to that spirit that moves us toward the goal. We give the goal and every moment required to obtain the goal our total focus. Getting up early, eating, supplements, training, cardio, logging our progress. But, always our faces are set “like flint” toward the goal.

I can recall my days running track. I was a sprinter and I had many competitors who clearly were genetically better. But, when I paid the price at night after lights out practicing in the alley behind my house, and running extra stadium stairs, and doing heavier than normal squats I easily out did my fellow tracksters. But, when I stopped paying the price the first person to see the poor performance was me. Then, it was my colleagues, and finally my adversaries on the track where I lost.

We have to live a life that focuses on that which we want. If we don’t focus then anything will do. Another favorite quote of mine is, “HE WHO AIMS FOR NOTHING HITS IT EVERYTIME!” Focus, Focus, Focus…..This is our time so let’s not squander it by “PLAYING IN LITTLE GAMES.”….Do the hard work for you and your loved ones.

All of us guys/girls who have played sports of any kind can attest to the fact that when you move to the next grade/level the effort, talent, strength, maturity, and skill goes up as well. Think about moving from Sophomore Football to Junior Varsity, and then Varsity. Each time you went up a level you had to adapt and elevate your game. This change was required to even get a chance at playing. In short, every practice had to be treated like it was game day.

What’s not stated is that in order to be competitive you had to do some serious growing up. In the off season you had to prepare to be better. Tons of lifting, running, and independent practice. Then, at the first day of practice you brought the new and different you who was ready to play. In fact, as the season wears on, you become better at what you do so that there are multiple new and different personalities that you develop. By season’s end you are a much different person/player than when the season started. This process repeats itself with each new level.

In bodybuilding we do the same trek. The first time out we are just happy to be there. Each time we hit the stage after that we want to be rising in our own expectations of development and performance. Ultimately, we will rise to a level that has exceeded all that we do. Each new contest is an opportunity to show off our new found maturity and skill. We never want to be the same ever again. Each contest demands another version of ourselves to keep going.

These principles are universal. I think Albert Einstein or Gordon Peterson said, “We keep digging deep until we think we cannot go on. It is here that we are introduced to our other self.” Then we invoke personal discipline to push forward to our stated goals.

Bottom Line: In order to move up and get better we must mature into the “different person” that is required to push on to the next level. The other person that you started with has to be left behind and the new and different person must take over. He/She has to be a bigger, more mature person to bear the new demands at the new level of performance. This is our time…..”Grow up and grow into the different person that is needed to win!”